Terrible Things People Have Said on OK Cupid

After not being in any form of a relationship until turning 21, I was part of one relationship for two and half years that got me through the end of college and into the real world, where dating is very different than meeting someone at a bar with a fake ID, and the date being to go to RiteAid to buy coconut rum.

So, when the boyfriend moved to California, after about 4 months of painfully trying to make something long distance work, we broke up. And of course, the only way to get over a break up is to "throw yourself out there." Since now I am a 24 year old who travels a lot for work and no longer drinks, I wasn't sure what I was throwing into. So I started an online dating profile. And it never went anywhere, naturally.

Now, after reuniting with the long distance relationship because him 3000 miles away was still preferable to anything I found in the vicinity, I can't bring myself to delete the ok cupid profile. Why? Maybe because I'm a shallow narcissist who likes having random people tell me I'm too beautiful to be on the website (which I think is a stock reply pre-saved to the emails of all male users of OK Cupid, but I might be wrong). Or, it might be for the occasional gem that arrives in my inbox like those below. These comments are real. There are men in the world that think, this is a great first impression to make on a woman.

Please share any of your personal favorites too!

What's the difference between a wink and a message? Wink should be like a poke on Facebook, but we have to write a message when we wink?


So r you the only child


Why do seagulls fly over the sea??? Because if they flew over a bay they would be bagels! Duh!


I suppose I could write you something thoughtful, but no one ever responds to that, so I'd rather not.


Hmmm are you against all sorts of Conservatives, or just the social side? I'm not really a Republican


that is you in a bowling alley isnt it


it says you reply selectively...did I pass ;)


 I would love a chance to get to know you and see if have any connections and wanna walk together on the journey called Life. 


So how broad is your expertise regarding refinishing furniture? Does that encompass reupholstering as well? I need to get new fabric for an old family chair and have my leather couch repaired... 


BonerliciousBob added you to his favorites list
I see you like dancing. How do you feel about the electric slide? Cause it's kind of my specialty


Dear miss jcf3543467547568585856, 
Either youre using that name to hide from the police or your parents were very cruel to you.


so, like, you want to get married, or something?


Do you ever get booger under your nose ring? LOL


First things first, I assure you I am not a serial killer. Although, I suppose I should warn you that I am definitely a cereal killer.

Sources of Frustration on Facebook

I love Facebook. I am devoted, I update from my phone, and sometimes nothing gives me more pleasure than a random stalk of someone I knew 6 years ago. But recently, I have been giving serious consideration to deleting the whole thing.

Why? It's no longer facebook. It's not about silly pictures, or updating interests, or writing little comments on other people's walls. It's become, if its even possible, more selfish than the original intention.

Facebook, when I opened mine 4 months before starting my freshman year in college, was a way to find the people who would be living in your dorm. It was a way to keep tabs on the people you went to high school with and knew you might not see again for 4 years. It was a way to slowly chronologize the foray into college life, and to share pictures that the honorary photographer friend had taken of a crazy night. It was a way to invite people to parties before everyone had unlimited texting.

Now, people don't reach out on Facebook. They talk about themselves, and expect people to be reading and comment. It's not, "How are you?" but "This is how I am, please feel free to comment because I am so very important." I'm guilty as charged on this one too. I love talking about myself, and love even more that people occasionally tend to care.

And really? I don't need to see every engagement ring picture. Every SONOGRAM picture (really??? Isn't this reserved for family???) There are tasteful ways to commemorate these moments, and to make sure your ex- boyfriend or ex-girlfriend now knows you're doing fabulously well. Sample wedding pictures are great, seeing a daily schedule of your wedding planning activities appear on my mini-feed is not.

Facebook is also a great way to self promote- something I do with my jewelry. But I try to tone it down. I have a "page" thats separate for my jewelry, and I try to keep personal posts about Cleanwired down to about every two weeks or so. Fellow artists, entrepreneurs, DJs, etc....... Daily updates are not necessary. They are too much. Let's exercise some restraint here.

Let's also tone it down on political and religious beliefs. Naturally, the people I agree with don't bother me as much as the ones I don't. If people want to know your beliefs on those hot points of frustration, they'll ask.

Don't even get me started on freaking Spotify and the Social Reader and Youtube posts. But if I'm informed one more person is listening to the acoustic cover of "Somebody That I Used to Know," it just might be the last straw.

And now, to continue with self promotion and to tell people I'm writing on my blog again, I'm going to post it to Facebook. Self centered hypocrite like us all.

In Defense of the 8 Day Week

Sunday, at 4:45pm. The case of the Mondays officially settles in. Essentially, Sunday cannot even count as a true weekend day, since half of it is spent not wanting Monday to come, reminding yourself of all the things you can't forget on Monday, and rushing to get weekend errands done before the work week sets in. This cannot be considered a true day of relaxation.

A few months ago, Anna and I had a conversation about how weekends really need to be 3 days- one day for errands, one day for nesting and personal time, and one day for doing something fun. To me, this is a great ratio. But, this would leave a 4 day work week, and real world things wouldn't get done, and then what would the world come to?

So, driving home from a show at 2am last night, completely sober, I came up with a great idea. What about an 8 day week? 5 days of work productivity followed by 3 days of weekend. The only people who CAN'T think this is a great idea are those who follow the Bible literally and think the world was created 4000 years ago and we all descended from Adam and Eve. If that is the case, my following logic will not apply to you.

The 7 day week came from, as most people know, the Book of Genesis in the Bible. Looking around the world, in every country, for some reason, the one Bible piece that has stuck with everyone is the 7 day week. I don;t know about remote villages in other countries, but I think they're on the same day of the week, year, and time zone system as the rest of us. So, the switch to an 8 day week would have to be global. There's no REASON the week has to be 7 days long (don't give me the Bible reason, I already said my logic does apply to followers of literal Bible interpretation), there's no world powerful individual keeping the week at a 7 day number. If there is, that's pretty amazing, but I don't believe there is.

So, let's start a movement! Let's go! Change the world one great (and somewhat lazy) idea at a time.

5 Reasons I Want to Move to Philly

Last weekend, during a stroke of particular wanderlust, Emma, Ashley, and I decided we are on a Philly 2012 conquest. We want some change, but not too much change, and Philly is the perfect place. Want some reasons? You might want to move to Philly too. 

5. Philly has a great Mayor. Mayor Nutter is one of the friendliest, open, caring Mayors I've had the chance to speak to. In my "real world" (not web based) life, I work with Mayors from all around the country with the United States Conference of Mayors. Mayor Nutter is part of the leadership board of our organization, in addition to running one of the largest cities in the United States. Given this, it would be reasonable to suspect that he is crazy busy (which is he) and never has time to talk to people (false). The Mayor is always willing to chat, always says hello, and always appears genuinely interested in the conversation. So wonderful, so refreshing, and he is spearheading the Philadelphia arts movement, helping to make Philly one of the most creative friendly cities in the country. 

4. Free People. I, quite obviously, have a bit of an obsession with Free People. Well, the FP-Urban-Anthro group is headquartered in Philadelphia. This ever expanding and amazing company always has new job openings posted on their website. It really does seem like one of the most fun and interesting places to work. Creativity and a stable paycheck- what more could one ask for?

3. Cost of Living People. Think about this for a minute- after doing some surface research, my cost of living in Philadelphia would be about HALF of what it is in DC (not accounting for the amount of money I would spend at local boutiques, but nevertheless). Want to live in a 4 bedroom, exposed brick, 14 foot ceilinged loft with two of your friends and have one bedroom left over for a closet? Well, in Philly, for $500 a month, you can. I mean, this is amazing. This is incredible. A 2 bedroom in my apartment building is a "steal" at $1800 a month, and I don't even live in DC proper. Crazy madness. 

2. Under 2 Hours from New York. A round trip bus ticket on Bolt will run you anywhere from $2-$25. Spend the day thrifting, wandering, dreaming, listening to music, eating, you name it. And rest your head for a couple hours while someone else deals with traffic. Sounds lovely to me!

1. Local Art and Shops. With an insane amount of colleges and universities, many with an Arts focus, you can get a great higher degree education in just about any field of your dreams (mild pun). Then, because of the low cost of the living, and closely associated low commercial rent, Philly is one of the few major cities where you can REALLY FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS. Wander the streets of Philly and there are plenty of local, funky shops and restaurants where your money helps achieve someone else's dream. What more could you want?

There are other silly things that make Philly great (like, obviously, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia), but Philly can get a bad rap. The safety rating might not be as high as, say, a ritzy California gated community, but a lot of it is about being smart. Don't take a nap in a dark alley by yourself at 3am. Don't swing a $500 purse around with the zipper open, wallet about to bounce out. Investigate a neighborhood before you move in. And all will be well. 

Belated, Better BeLate than Never

So, hat's off to the year's laziest blogger!

Happy New Year from 20,000 of your Favorite Phriends

And a happy and busy new year it is! After the bustle of seeing family, killing my lazy body snowboarding, further killing my lazy body by wandering around New York and dancing my brain off, and seeing more family, I took the past week or so to completely recuperate.

I HAVE been very active on etsy, working on a new piece for the site and a couple custom pieces. I'm hoping to have a new sort of style piece up by the end of the weekend, if not the end of the week. Thanks to some new supplies, including a blow torch (yay!), I'm officially able to expand my market- if the laziness doesn't get to me.

I do promise to get back on a more regular schedule, with more interesting posts that people will enjoy reading more than my random ramblings. That's why I like lists- they keep me focused. That's all for now! And if you're bored, hit up my etsy!

Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Good Night

So it's here- the end of Christmas. Another approximately 10 months until I can be focused on Christmas yet again (the Christmas season starts the day after Halloween in my world). I get VERY depressed on Christmas evening. The tree looks naked without the presents under it, the lights and trees on storefronts seem to disappear overnight, as if the holiday never happened, the only remains being 90% Christmas cards and candy canes. The only thing I can think to do is curl up on the couch, watch a claymation movie, and pretend that maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and it'll be Christmas again. 


But I can't dwell. I'll literally start to cry, and it'll be too much. I will use that as a segue though, to other people who cry during Christmas. 

My sister's kids. Merry effing Christmas. 

When I saw this picture at my sister's this morning, I almost died. Baby Will is crying, because he's a baby. That's ok. Lila is looking angelic and quiet. Sam is trying to run for his life, and Jackson is grabbing him, trying to get this freaking ridiculous picture taking over with. Santa looks like he's really had it. These are the sort of pictures that are shared simply for the purpose of making other people smile. 


So with that, Merry Christmas. And as I listen to the John Denver and the Muppets Christmas Album for the 11th time today, I'll share one of my favorite Christmas lyrics. 

I don't know if you believe in Christmas

or if you have presents underneath a Christmas tree

but if you believe in love

that will be more than enough

for you to come and celebrate with me

for I have held the precious gift that love brings

even though I never saw a Christmas star

I know there is a light I have felt it burn inside

and I have seen it shining from afar

Because this is really how I feel about Christmas. I'm not a particularly religious person, and I've certainly had a panic attack sitting in church on Christmas Eve, realizing I don't even know why I believe in this, or if I even DO believe in this. Obviously, Christmas is a celebration of Jesus being born. But it's also a celebration of hope, a symbol of how people and families really can come together even if they drive each other crazy. And that "light that burns inside" can be something, anything, just the feeling that there is something more out there, even if today and tomorrow you might define that thing differently. 

And on that note, have a very Merry Christmas, and I can't wait for next year. 

Top 5 Signs and Causes of BL Holiday Stress

Yes, it has been over a week since I wrote anything on the blog. This would either imply that I lead an incredibly fascinating life of world travel to remote places and unbelievable night time experiences, or, that I overwhelm myself with silly things. Take your pick.

The majority of things I overwhelm myself with, of course, are BL related. Given the success of the "Top Ten Signs You're a BL" post, I think it's appropriate to note the current signs and symptoms of my BL stress, and to see if anyone else can relate.

Did you look like this at 2am last night, frantically wrapping presents for your family and friends? At least we've got company.

5. BLs don't buy gifts, they use their crafty, artsy, fartsy skills to make usable and likable goodies and accessories.  While this sounds like a lovely idea in fashion, the reality of the situation is that all handmade gifts cost two times as much to make as you initially expect, and take three times as long to put together. This isn't an exact formula, but it's pretty damn close. The stress especially piles on when certain other people request a custom made item of yours to gift to someone themselves. Great news for the pocketbook, bad news for your sleep schedule. A BL always says yes, then mutters curses to herself at 1:15am on December 23rd as she tries to complete the 5th to last item needed to be completed in 24 hours.

The pathetic sort of crafts you're stuck decorating your apartment with when the stress becomes too much.

4. Since BLs love free food, there is nary a true meal eaten between December 17th and January 1st. What is Christmas if not a time for free food from relatives, friends, and coworkers? Since those pesky craft supplies ate up the December food budget, BLs rely on popcorn, peppermint bark, caramels, and peppermints to suffice as meals during the holiday crunch. The lack of nutrients obviously leads to crankiness and lack of energy, until you find yourself at the grocery at 11pm on a Wednesday buying every piece of fruit, carrots, cheese, and yogurt that's on sale this week.

3. The leaning tower of unwritten holiday cards begins to actually take over the living room/ entire apartment. For some reason, I follow the mindset that if I stare at something for long enough (weeks), eventually I might get around to doing it. Christmas cards fall in this category. BLs love being a thoughtful friend and relative, so of course there's the good intention of sending greeting cards to every friend on Facebook and relative from the family address book. The stack of greeting cards sways and taunts, until finally you break down, skim the list down to 15 people, and write all the cards with the handwriting of a drunk college freshman. It's the thought that counts, right?

2. You have to deal with the 5 hour radius rule. This is less of a BL stress cause and more of a personal gripe. If you live in Florida, and so does one parent, and the rest of your family is scattered along the West Coast, then your only realistic holiday obligation is to Florida Parent. However, there are many of us who live in the "Holiday Curse of the 5 Hour Radius." The curse is pretty self explanatory- if an immediate relative (parent or sibling) lives within a 5 hour radius, you're expected to see them. In any family. Being a SINGLE person, this means stops in 3 cities (one of them being my home, but still. This is a lot over a 2-7 day period). I can't even think about having to fit someone else's family into this mix. The thought of thinking about it stresses me out. For real.

1. You haven't had a decent, luxurious shower since November 18th. And by luxurious I mean shampoo, condition, face scrub, body wash, and shave. There's just not time to be in the shower. There's crafts to make, free food to find, cards to address, and family to plan coordinate. Somehow, these tasks add up to about 8 hours of time EACH DAY. 24-8-10 (work plus commute)= 6 hours left for sleeping and bathing. For a BL, we know which one tops the list. Hats and Dr. Bronner's were invented for a reason. And no one likes taking off the bottom layer of clothing warmth when it's 20 degrees outside and the heat's been off all day.

MERRY CHRISTMAS PLANNING!!