Another year older, another year wiser... But what the hell do I believe in?

Today (Dec 14th) is my birthday. Birthdays tend to be a time of reflection, a day to look over what's happened since your last one. Sadly enough, I can't even remember what happened on my last birthday or what I did. Even more sadly, I don't even drink, I just have a terrible memory. I'm afraid to ask anyone though, because I normally end up offending someone when I can't remember important events that people went out of their way to make special for me. Once I get a little reminder I can recall pretty vivid details- I think there's a couple synapses that just aren't connected right up there...

But my crappy memory is not the point. I perpetually wonder if I'm doing enough with my life, if I'm as successful as I should be, if I'm really doing what makes me happiest. It can become a complete tailspin that gets so mentally out of control, all I can do is watch House Hunters and eat snacks on the couch curled up in my Snuggie. Millions of self help articles and issues of O Magazine haven't helped either, because I still don't know. What I do know is that I'm always looking for it, that elusive purpose of life.

Recently my purpose has run towards creativity. My jewelry and food experiments have honestly kept me sane over the past month or so as my personal life went kind of crazy. I do my real job well and to the best of my ability, and I (try) and stay as focused as possible when I'm on the clock. But I don't have a cause. I don't have something I either vehemently fight or protect, even though I have a lot of opinions. So does that make me lazy? Does that make the whole 20 something generation lazy?

Where's my fist raising cause?

I want to have something I believe in more than shameless self promotion... That's what this new decade is. Self marketing and branding to the point of self obsession. The way of the world is shifting so that it's impossible not to- employers expect our names to be Google friendly and an accurate representation of our professional (and PG rated personal) selves. Families connect through Facebook pictures. Everyone with a personal dream can market themselves through some combination of social networking and PayPal associated marketplaces. In all honesty, with the time I spend messing around on my Etsy site and stalking people on Facebook, I could be spending hours tutoring kids or writing letters to Congress. 

Not that I really want to tutor or write letters. The point of a cause is that it moves you, it doesn't feel like an obligation. I WANT my cause. I just need to find it first. But really... I care about buying local and small, and supporting independent businesses. I believe very much in taking a role in one particular group that focuses on the power of one helping another. So maybe I do have some causes and beliefs- I just need to bring them more into focus.